British officials have released the photo which proved that Stephen Forse wasn’t kidding when he claimed to find the wee creature while making sandwiches for his children. The mouse was baked into the bread–CBS NEWS

They caught my nigga Remy slippin while jacking some dough from the bread factory….be warned, the next picture is pretty gruesome yo…

…#PAUSE…

All my dude Remy wanted to do was cook. He got evicted from his house, lost by his family, started living in this top notch restaurant,got cool w/ this suck ass white chef and got him a job in the top notch restaurant, pimped the suck ass chef into getting his own restaurant which Remy basically ran, bounced on the white boy for getting pussy whipped and not handling business, white boy begs for him to come back, Remy comes back gets the old restaurant closed down because he wasn’t fuckin w/ it anymore and because the suck ass chef was being so disrespectful, then punks the restaurant reviewer dude that got their joint closed down (for having too many rats) into getting him yet another restaurant and Remy ends up running that mug and all his human and rat employees like a ‘G’……..At least that’s how I remember it going down…

Apparently this guy… (Stephen Forse)

went to go buy some bread and thought he saw a black spot in one of the pieces. Still ate the bread. Upon closer look he noticed that this spot had fur. Still ate the bread. Realizing that it could be some nasty shit, he finally calls the police…AFTER eating the bread. it really..really sucks to be you nigga….

Forse says his gruesome discovery made him feel ill, and he felt sick again when health officers noted that the mouse’s tail was missing, perhaps already eaten in a sandwich.–CBS NEWS

Remy (the rat) didn’t get any pussy in his life, dying a virgin he still managed to impregnate the tastebuds of thousands with great meals and his friends will love him forever for his contributions to their toilet’s usage.

Remember: …Friends, Make Friends, Use their toilets…

The guy sued the bread company, Premier Foods for $26,470…honestly I would’ve wanted more, especially since it was a celebrity the stature of Remy’s whose ass I had eaten. Dah well, that’s life (and death)

R.I.P. REMY the RAT

-BATS-

DONT FORGET TO GO VISIT SPEEDY IN REHAB YA’LL!

A pothead will eat your food….a druggie will try to steal and sell your refrigerator, your toaster and your stove all at once for $5

A pothead when left alone in a room will most likely daydream, write something epic or fall asleep….a druggie will hallucinate seeing ants on his or her skin and scratch his or her skin off leaving himself a bloody stoned mess

A pothead will forget to put the paint lids back on the paint cans after painting….a druggie will overdose on the fumes, die in your home and leave you as the primary suspect for murder..

Potheads are your neighbors, DRUGGIES are destroying your society. There’s weed and then there’s DRUGS. For an extreme explanation of the difference between the two you can check out this post I made a couple of years ago called A Look At Drugs.…but as a shorthand weed is of the earth, many other drugs are of the hell…simple right? Weed = EARTH (natural, herbal), Crack/Coccaine/CrystalMeth/Heroin/X/Acid/Liquor/Nicotine/PrescriptionPills = Hell (manmade, evil).

Am I bias? Maybe just a bit, but one thing I rather be is a biased pothead and not an indenial crack head. This my friend is what an indenial crackhead looks like…

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

EXHIBIT C:

EXHIBIT D:

EXHIBIT E:

Don’t recognize that last guy huh? His name is Raymond Stanley Roberts and he believes that he has super powers.  Yes, the powers to tell people some bullshit and make them INSTANTLY believe him! Want an example?

PIG: Well, we found this crack rock and this weed in your ass Raymond

RAY: Yah, that weed mine…but the CRACK AINT…you hear me? the CRACK ain’t

PIG: Yeah but we found it in YOUR ass…

RAY: THE CRACK AINT MINE

PIG: but we found it, it has your shi..

RAY: CRACK AINT MINE!

PIG:…                .

RAY:….

When sheriff’s deputies allegedly discovered a bags of marijuana and cocaine between a man’s buttocks, they said he gave a quick explanation. Manatee County deputies said Raymond Stanley Roberts told them “The white stuff is not mine, but the weed is.”–The Bradenton Herald”
Yah, this is a true story, the homie was speeding got pulled over and the pigs smelled weed. How did they smell it from his ass? I dunno, must’ve been some RRRREALLLLLY GOOD shit (literally), maybe his ass was acting as a fertilizer receptacle for the green to grow up super potent (which would be another super power of Ray’s I guess)…I dunno, what I do know is they pulled his ass out the car, searched it and found 27 rocks of crack and 2 bags of weed.

Officers then discovered another bag [of weed] in there; the report said it contained 27 pieces of rock cocaine.–The Bradenton Herald

If Tupac WERE alive and needed some place to hide, that nigga Raymond’s ass would be the ideal place (…#pause) that’s alot to be riding around with up your ass bruh. Now, I know I keep calling him a crackhead when most likely he was going to go sell that crack…but c’mon, anybody believing that crack found in their ass wouldn’t be attached to them HAD to be on said crack.  You can deny cheating on your girlfriend, you can deny being yourself when the bill collectors call, you can even deny Jesus if you so feel…but there’s no way in heaven, hell, mars, venus or Taylor Swift’s vagina can you deny ANYTHING found in YOUR ass.

See, the weed making a decision that asinine lets you know that this dude ain’t smoke the weed yet…because the weed would’ve made him forget such an idiotic manuever, while the crack made him actually believe it was true (Keep the druggies off the street!).  This reminds me of this movie I just watched called The Invention of Lying. Quirky ass movie, it was a world where people hadn’t developed the ability to lie. So EVERYONE told the absolute, blunt truth. There was a scene in there where a guy was pulled over for drunk driving and told on himself, another scene where a guy tried to rob this man but had to answer when the victim asked him his name, shit was funny.  Well, when ol boy learns how to lie its even crazier because since in their world NOBODY lies, lies don’t exist, every lie he tells is taken as the truth no matter how outrageous.  He told this one chick that they had to have sex right then and there or else the world was going to end and she was ready to strip down and do the dougie on the dickie in the middle of the street.  No matter how crazy the lie would be the people would make it make sense in their minds and believe it, just because that’s how their minds were wired.  For some reason that movie came to mind while reading this news story, maybe ol boy got so high that he thought he was this guy….I kinda see the resemblance …

I will say this about ya Raymond, you smartened up in the end…you FINALLY learned how to deny in some kind of respectable manner

The Bradenton Herald reported Roberts was arrested for drug possession and has bonded out of jail. The person who answered Friday at a phone number listed for Roberts said it wasn’t his.—The Bradenton Herald

I would tell this nigga don’t drop the soap, but he has enough things up his ass to deny about…

-BATS-

you don’t have to agree…just accept it…

At the turn of the century there was an epidemic sweeping the nation, I mean it was unimaginable, no one thought it could ever happen, but it did. After centuries of being the foremothers of the Gluteus MINimus movement (negative-buttocks), the white woman finally started growing……….

…..ASS…..

And with this new evolution of ass growing white woman, came the ass loving white man. The white man who finally understood and appreciated ass as much as black men always have. Now honestly, given the amount of rapes that happened during slavery, it’s clear that the white man has always had an affinity for the black booty, but this affinity was always kept hidden. Through the media, the “big booty” was shunned in favor of the anoxeric swag.

That Olive Oyl standard of sexy was in and white women with even a hint of beautiful thickness began vomiting in droves to match this mouthshit standard of beauty. Oscar winning actress, comedian and talk show host, Monique asked recently on Shaq’s All Star Comedy show “how do white women [give head] w/o gagging? They are the best!”

Well the answer to that ……is decades of vomiting to stay skinny (See: Purging).

Yes, the decades of ‘purging’ caused the white woman to have a more open larynx passageway, so when the penis is inserted it can travel a great distance before becoming fatal to the gagger.  In the white woman’s quest to stay skinny, they improved their head game, in fact, made it legendary. Kudos white man for such a ingenious and diabolical plan, and sorry black women ya’ll head game can’t match because ya’ll love food too much to be throwing it up

(Plus mama whooped that ass for wasting food!)
But I digress (that’s what I do)
Thanks to the epic bottoms of  Latina (See: Caucasian) Jennifer Lopez and the African American (See: Caucasian) Beyonce Knowles

ASS was FINALLY IN across the races. From Mannequins to Mannequeers, America FINALLY loved ass… Word to the First Lady

(I see you Bush)

I mean lets be serious, would Kim KardASShian really have a “career” if it weren’t for Ray J’s dick and The Assapoolza that was popping in the early 2000s??? She better be thanking the ass gods for the cheeks of Lopez & Knowles. So yah, I love ass, but tell me this….when were breasts ever, ever, ever ever ever EVER out of style???

When were tits everrrrrr unpopular? Boobs kept Adam out of Eden, kept the soldiers from fuckin men in every war imaginable and changed the way television was censored (Shouts out to Justin and Janet for Nipplegate). All in the name of breasts for better or worse. Seriously, what implant came first, the butt or the boob? Nicki knows…

Breasts turn the men to boys and the boys to men (literally, #nasty)….and with Africa and certain parts of South America being the only places on the planet with high ratios of buttoxology in the area, BREASTS WIN off the national vote by default.

(tell the ass to holla when they make a BOOTERS)

Police arrested a woman in Idaho’s capital city after they say she impersonated a plastic surgeon and conducted breast exams on at least two women in local bars. –CBS NEWS

You gotta love a woman that appreciates a good boob. Though its a bit greedy on her part since she has a pair of her own, as a boob loving man..I’ve got to say, I understand. The woman’s name is Kristina B. Ross and she was caught by police after a bunch of women started calling in to this licensed plastic surgeon looking for a doctor that didn’t exist.

Police say the office was getting calls from prospective patients who wanted to see a Dr. Berlyn Aussieahshowna. But no doctor by that name worked at the office. —CBS NEWS

Those women better blame it on the vodka, blame it on the henny, blame it on the crystal meth that got em feeling dizzy or else they’ve got to be dumb as the atomic fuck for believing that anybody named “Aussieahshowna” was a real anything. How do you even pronounce that shit? And ya know what, forget blaming it on the liquor, because if they were sober enough to not only pronounce that crazy ass name, but remember it until the next day (or week) AND find the number, then they were sober enough to realize that this pseudo-dyke was just running game to get a free boob fondle.

Ms. Ross was obviously chocolate wasted when she came up with such a name, especially since all of her breast exams happened in bars, so she gets props for getting away with it multiple times (while intoxicated)…especially all in the name of breast appreciation. MAN, I think I need to meet this woman, how many ppl you know can fondle a breast in a bar and get women calling em the next day to spend money for their services? She made it pop like Girls Gone Wild the Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman edition

Eventually the licensed plastic surgeon who was obviously hating because nobody was calling to get their boobs done by him(her?) called the PIGS , who called some of the would be patients to get a description of the Barmade Boobdoctor.  They set Ms. Ross up, one tit touch later and now Ms. Ross may be facing some serious time. On the bright side, if she gets locked up she’ll have all the breasts in the world to touch. On the dark side, she may have to get use to the feeling of brooms up her ass (and snatch?) all in the name of jail house science.

Hopefully her lawyer reads this site and can see that Ms. Ross has the National Average of Breast Appreciators on her side.  Since the world loves breasts, maybe the judge will give her a pass in the name of world peace……maybe?

-BATS-

Well, since that green racist reppin paper is what makes our world go round (and country go upside down) we gotta follow the system. You want Wal-Mart to give you food? Up the paycheck.  You need a place to stay? Tell that wallet to STRIP. Hell, the oldest business in the world is the pimp created VTM machine, much like the  ATM (Automated Teller Machine)

….except you put your money in and well….

Convenient? Hell yah…you got the cash you get the (See Above ^^^)….so with this world agreed upon system in place, 

it should be against the law for any establishment to take my cash and not give me some form of the 

So I feel like this man in New Hampshire is justified in feeling that his rights as an American citizen have definitely been molested.

Police said the man called Marlborough Police on Monday to say he’d paid the woman and a third party $150 to have sex with him on Sunday, but she wouldn’t follow through.  —–  CBS News

Never in the history of prostitutes, pimps, business or vaginas have I ever heard of a hooker refusing to have sex with someone. That’s her job, that’s what she’s on this earth to do.  What if Barack woulda got elected, moved into the white house, got paid then said “F*CK this President shit? I ain’t doing it!”

I’d sue her, straight up…Why not? People are suing folk for waay worse.  The punkass NFL tryna sue local N.O establishments for selling shirts that say”WHO DAT!” on em, that’s N.O culture right there, but hey somehow they’ve got rights to do this shit huh?

 (don’t worry it’s almost over Nagin)

And before I get emails telling me the specifics of the law and all the bullcrap, I’m letting you know off top I’m biased and I don’t care, some shit means more to me than the black and white law. If you’re not from the N.O you probably won’t get it (tho its simple), let these local establishments get their money, cuz really if the shirts said “Ya Heard Me” nobody would have a problem. The NFL just sees $$$ cuz it’s in reference to the Saints, I get it, they own the Saints…they are owed money for anything associated with the Saints, blah blah blah…sorry Uncle Sam we really don’t care bout that shit down here. If I was in the NFL’s shoes, I’d want a cut (to be real), so go ahead…take a cut if anything, but try and understand the nature of this situation…don’t ban the people who really need the $ as well as the city that really needs the unity from enjoying their moment.  If the Saints were still a losing team, you wouldn’t care anyway right? (hell if the Saints lose the Bowl, they probably won’t care either)

Can’t 4get ’06…..  

And peep, Universal Music Group is trying to sue Michael Jackson for singing  R.Kelly’s “Ignition” in a home video. Universal owns the R.Kelly song, so they want their 3Gs for MicJac cooling ina whip singing to the radio. You didn’t know sitting in your car, listening to the radio and singing was against the law? Well, I guess the corpse of MicJac didn’t either, guess he’s the only artist getting sued right now that CAN hire Johnny Cochran for his case.

So yes Mister…you should sue her. But this story truly begs the question of what on Hades would make her refuse this guy? Was she slow and really didn’t get all the specifics of her job? Maybe. Did the pimp leave something out of the application? Possibly. Was she mentally disabled (see: retarded)? Hey, there’s been worse . Or maybe, at that moment see  finally found Jesus. Hmmm..The Lord DOES work in mysterious ways, so maybe the angel Gabriel popped out of ol dude’s sausagetop bringing messages from the Messiah.  It could’ve been the sequel to that Legion movie…all the reviewers said it sucked anyway, so it’s not like they can do much worse.  Because really, he couldn’t have been just that damn ugly. Dude would have to be a whole new level of fugly for an ‘escort’, a woman whose womb will ingest ANYTHING for a buck, to refuse him…nah, i’m not buying it plus she doesn’t have to look at the guy. So looks is out of the question, leaving I guess only one possible answer……

Either that…or the extreme opposite…

The world may never know (or care)…one thing we do know is, this guy had to be a complete and utter idiot for thinking that aside from paying the hooker BEFORE being serviced (WHO DOES THAT?), that calling the pigs and ratting on himself wouldn’t result in being arrested. I mean c’mon…they’re the pigs, you throw a fresh batch of slo into a pigpen, and they won’t question why or how the slop got their…they gon eat it up either way.  Because  unlike this out of order VTM, they actually do their jobs….for better or for worse.

Both parties are facing prostitution charges. WMUR-TV reported the 22-year-old woman and 32-year-old man were cited into court at a later date. — New Hampshire Union Leader 

Finally, something black men can laugh at involving the pigs….

One last thing I got to say on this is….Please NFL don’t send any athletes to my home to kick my ass for calling you a punkass organization earlier. You’re not a punkass organization, you just made a bitch move. Now I’ll take the ass whipping for saying ya’ll made a bitch move, cuz it’s the truth..that is all

-BATS-

Look how happy they look…You see that look on his face? It’s the look of satisfaction, sure..he probably also just shit himself..but wouldn’t shitting yourself be the most satisfying thing ever after winning 10 million bucks for your troubles (I’d shit myself too!)? Hell, your wife would HAVE to fall in love with your manmade ass-musk if it was generating that kinda paper…you see her face? The picture tells it all….sure, both of their souls are probably gonna be getting anally raped by the Grim Reaper any day now, but at least they’ll die with something to show….unlike so many other former millionaires…

Ignant? Definitely…..but I know me and my nigs couldn’t be the only kids (born JJEvans broke),growing up mystified and tripped out that a little old white lady in Kansas, or this old white couple in Colorado, or this middle aged white woman in Cleveland, or this semi-middle aged mostly fogie aged white man in Wisconsin won the lottery.  Just like a black president,somewhere in our mind we figured if one black person could do it anyone of us could, no matter how hard the task is, that’s our mindset.  Once the first black man was let into sports, we took that shit over.  Once the first black man made his own record label, we all popped up with record labels.  Hell even seeing a black man get into space ona movie, had a black man really doing it the same year. Shouts out to Guion Bluford…

AND most imporantly…Billie Dee Williams… (first jheri curl n space! WHODAT)

Whether it’s golf, skate boarding or porn, once a ‘nigga’ cracks open the door it officially becomes the underground railroad.  So even it’s picking random combinations of numbers ranging from 1- to infinity for a (suspect ass) computer to haphazardly select and make any combination that chance allows it to make in hopes it lands on our super special picks…it’s nothing, ya see black folk are  competitive by nature.

“Ain’t no way that nigga can pick random numbers and get money better than me, fuuck that..I’m motivated!”

We needed that role model.  We have black role models in every other facet of life,so where was our lottery winning role model? Huh? If there were black lottery winners, they must’ve been hiding them, either that or the game is rigged.  And yes, that’s something we also do in the hood…come up with conspiracy theories to answer unanswerable questions regarding our (seemingly just as random) placement in the world (poverty).

Then through the power of google, I found me one.

Ibrahim Aboubaker….Now this is either a black man who was really lucky, real good at guessing, or knew that to trick the system and confuse the computer you gotta give yourself a funny ass name.  Either way, a role model has been…wait, no fronting as I write this, I’m looking at the picture and the name and now, I’m not sure if he’s black or middle eastern….

Aight, nevermind…he’s ‘suspect black’ and ‘suspect black’ doesn’t count (Just ask Bush).  Well after years of searching, the LotteryMessiah has come (well, came in 2006 forgive my hereditary CPT), unfortunately his story, though disproving one old addage, ends up proving yet another. “All that glitters, ain’t gold”

Police have identified human remains found buried under recently added concrete at a home in Plant City, Florida, as missing lottery millionaire Abraham Shakespeare–CNN

Can you imagine winning $31 million at 43 years old? That’s alot of years of hard work…homie was a truck driver. His family reported him missing (November 9) and the investigation has been ongoing since.  He hadn’t been seen since April, mostly due one of the most grim realities associated with success….LEECHES

“[We hoped to find him alive] he truly had just wanted to hide from those who were asking him for money.”–Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd

We always think about the selfish side of it, “I need money”, but the selfish eye is always the blindest to the bigger picture..he became a hard working man turned target.  After he won the money, a former co-worker even tried to sue dude, saying that Shakespeare  stole the ticket from him. After the leeches…come the haters.

He had to hide from friends, family, Lil Wayne and everyone else, definitely not the life envisioned by so many of us licking our lambchops at the $200 million Louisiana Powerball sign.  And I ain’t gon front, I’m still gonna be licking my batchops and millions of people across the country are still going to keep buying into the scam of it, because it’s human nature to want hope.  What’s one dead person, compared to the dreams of many rite?  Even the slaves were given hope (it was called white man’s religion at the time). Unfortunate.  Yeah, the  O’jay’s definitely put it best:

The home he was buried under supposedly belongs to the boyfriend of a friend. The case is now a murder investigation.

“It’s painfully obvious he didn’t get there by himself” Poly County Sheriff Grady Judd. (No shit Judd!)

As of now there are no suspects and the pigs are keeping their oinks to a minimum. Who knows if the case will ever be solved. I wonder what conspiracy theory can answer this question…”Why do we hate ourselves so much?“

Rest In Peace, LotteryMessiah…

-BATS-

Now don’t get me wrong, I use to work at a MickeyDs, so if you’re reading this and you’re a McDonald’s worker don’t think I’m saying you’re dumb because you work at McDonald’s…I’m not saying that at all, a j.o is a j.o ….I’m saying you’re dumb because you’re dumb and I’m mad that McDonald’s hired you. Yes you, the worker that can’t make a double hamburger without cheese.  How annoying is it to HAVE to check the bag when you’re on the go because you KNOW they fucked up your order, or worst, to get all the way home only to realize that they’ve…yep…fucked up your order. THEN they have the nerve to have an attitude when they’re the ones that fucked it up! Its fast food, we go there because we’re too lazy to cook, but messin with the house that Grimace built you end up putting in more work than just tossing a Hot Pocket into the microwave.

Damn, I want a Hot Pocket right now, I was in the store yesterday and noticed that they have new flavors and everything…BBQ Chicken Hot Pocket, W…T…F.  But that’s my ‘high’ side talking, back to the story at hand …

An Oregon man spent Memorial Day in jail after dialing 911 to complain that a McDonald’s worker was rude and didn’t give him an orange juice he ordered. Raibin Osman was accused of improper use of the emergency telephone number.—CBS.com

If my memory and fat ass history serves correct this guy got screwed because this isn’t the first story to come out with someone calling up 911 because Ronald’s children messed up their ‘supper’. Who remembers the lady that flipped out and called 911 THREE times because Mcdonald’s didn’t have nuggets? Yeah her name was Latreasa L. Goodman

“This is an emergency, my McNuggets are an emergency! If I would have known they didn’t have McNuggets, I wouldn’t have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don’t want one,” Latreasa L. Goodman later told police. “This is an emergency.”—Latreasa Goodman

What’s crazy is she looks exactly like the McDonald’s worker that works at the MickeyDs up the street from me..I mean EXACTLY like her, I guess some McDs workers just have that look. Not to be confused with this idiot protesting outside of McDs for being fired..C’mon man, its just McDonalds…

I feel her pain though, not that I’m happy to hear a story about a black person calling 911 over chicken, I can see where she’s coming from at least on a base level. It’s like being at work all day with nuggets on your mind, bucking yaself up because you just know those nuggets are going to hit the spot, then you get there and they say they outta nuggets all they got is burgers. Mafucka, you are McDonald’s home of the McNuggets, ya’ll the reason why most of these other fast food spots added chicken to their menus, how the hell ya’ll run out of nuggets?! I picked nuggets cuz I wanted nuggets, not this greasy heifer on bread (though I did go to BK once and they were outta Whoppers, fast food sucks)…

And peep she didn’t even go to jail, nope, no time served just got a story in the newspaper…don’t even think she got the nuggets either… guess Florida has different laws….either that or she called Officer Ricky who was too busy to trying to figure out a new mobsters story to claim as his own since the real Rick Ross is getting out of jail soon…

Shouts out to Ross though, I hear his ‘posse’ is gonna hold him down…

Now as ASSinine as it was for him to call 911 over an orange juice, it does seem from this report that I’m not the only one feeling like a “Beat A Mickey Ds Worker” Day needs to be official, cuz it should be a crime to receive attitude, screwed up service AND nasty ass grease sandwiches..I mean damn, we take the grease sandwich at our own risk, can we at least get it made right …I’ll even take a side of attitude if the order was right, because then I could flip right back on they ignant asses and drive off…but now, if they give attitude if I flip back on them, I gotta come right back ’cause (as expected) they’ve messed up my order which gives them the opportunity to give my burger that spit sponsored payback…

At least they can give a nigga a complimentary fry, pie or ounce of weed for my troubles…

Oh wait, the cat that was peddling weed out of the Drive Thru window got arrested didn’t he? Oh well better than the idiot worker that left his pipe, lighter and weed in a Happy Meal box only for some family to find it and have him arrested as well… 

And people wonder why I laughed when I heard about the Utah story a few months back, where this lady pulled up at McDs at 2am and got super angry because they had switched over to breakfast from the dinner menu.  Once again a situation that I’ve been in, their breakfast is expensive as hell compared to the dollar menu, plus when you got fries and chicken selects on the brain, you know DINNER type ish, a damn hashbrown and a jelly sandwich with eggs on top just won’t cut it…

When the employee explained that they had already switched to breakfast during the early hour the man in the backseat demanded they be served dinner regardless. After the employee replied they were unable to do so, the customers drove up to the second window, and the customer asked to speak with the clerk that had taken their order.  The female clerk apologized for the misunderstanding, but quickly ducked for cover when two men jumped out of the car and one pulled out a sawed-off shotgun from the trunk of the car. —-Source

Yes, it does get that serious over a Big Mac…and yes they did begin shooting at the drive thru window…over that serious ass Big Mac…

According to police, the man fired one or two shots at the employees behind the window, shattering it and damaging one glass door before rushing back in the white Dodge Intrepid and speeding away—Source

2 AM is pretty early for the breakfast change over, my McDs usually doesn’t start breakfast til 4. Nobody was hurt, but damn did hearing that story make my day for some reason, I know it’s wrong to laugh at violence and somebody could’ve been killed and yadda yadda, whatever, nobody was hurt and I was hoping that that story would’ve scared a few of Ronald’s Children straight. But…NOPE, next day once again, they messed up my burger. Now I cook more…point was, these cats got away as well, so the homie Raibin Osman should feel super played for being arrested over an orange juice, when one lady called 911 three times over nuggets (which cost more) and got publicity and another group got away with almost Tupacing the Hamburgler and got notoriety. Sucks for you Osman, maybe when McDs does its next Monopoly Million Dollar give away, you can get one of these:

And once again that Hot Pocket is sounding tasty as the hell…

-BATS-

Oh well, when Officer stops playing OverSeer, filling us up with enough bullets to make an outline (chalk one) for life’s research paper,  or at least when I get the image of my lil sister getting punched in the face, for only asking them a question (TRUE STORY!), out of my head then my disdain for the officer’s will be dropped…until then…

No matter how much I hate the establishment, I don’t hate people and this situation is still disheartening…

A plainclothes policeman who drew his gun while chasing someone he had found rummaging through his car was shot and killed by a fellow officer who was driving by and saw the pursuit. 25-year-old Omar J. Edwards died after being shot late Thursday within blocks of the Harlem police station where he worked–NYC Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly.

Now, I know what you’re thinking…

“damnnn the police have either run out of criminals or are finally realizing who the real criminals are…it’s becoming a pig eat pig world”

Now if that’s not what you thought…then screw it, that’s what I first thought, screwed up yeah but that’s just the nature of the black man’s brain towards cops.  Eventually my rational self took over and started feeling bad because the dude dead…yeah I can catch on late like that sometimes, felt bad for a split second, then went back into shock as to what would provoke a cop to shoot another cop? Or really, did this situation have to end in someone’s life being taken???

The shooter was white and Edwards was black, a fact that could raise questions about police use of deadly force in a minority community.—-Cnn.com

Then it all made sense….

I’m not trying to call Al Sharpton (fuck AL) and the NAACP this time, I’m not trying to go into some long Black Power, Fuck the White Man ass rant this time around…but damn, if it aint bad enough that they’re killin innocent black civilians, now they’re killing innocent black COPS, they’re own kind….why? It seems like a weird karma, and I don’t mean on the Officer that was unnecessarily killed in this mess, I mean on the Police Force itself…maybe karma isn’t even the right word, do I want to say irony?

Police have been trained to racially profile blacks, that’s widely known, if they’re in a black area their mindset is already conditioned to be on alert and seemingly in New York with so many black folk getting murked, it’s become habit to shoot black first, ask dumb later.  Shoot black first means, they’re damn near trained to shoot anything black if black is caught in the “wrong” area. Not sure what area is considered “wrong” in this case, seeing as a black man with a gun chasing another black man in a poor neighborhood will get you shot because they’re thinking it’s some gang violence, and in a rich neighborhood will get you shot because they’re thinking you’re disrupting a “civilized” environment. Sounding lose/lose for the black man…and the hispanic…and the arab…all this brown is really starting to look like pig mud…

So if you train a pig to shit in the mud, how do you expect his instincts (the ones that you’ve created) not to take over WHENEVER it sees mud, whether in the yard where you want him to shit, or in the house where he isn’t suppose to….

….not that mud would be in ya house, but you get where i’m coming from….

And in recent years there have been several cases of off-duty policemen in the New York City area being shot and killed by other officers.—CNN.com

Case and point. This is the backlash of their racial profiling, super unfortunate, but apparently obvious seeing as this isn’t an…as they say…”isolated incident”

In 2006, a New York City police officer, Eric Hernandez, was shot and killed by an on-duty patrolman who was responding to an attack at a White Castle in the Bronx.

And these are just the major stories, there’s always that in the boondocks killing that nobody even hears about…

Oh, and politicians are trained to be full of shit, I think if they don’t have enough hours of Community Bullshit on their resumes they won’t be allowed to run for office.

Now if his video wasn’t funny enough (or the fact that Pleasure P’s replacement is some nigga named Lingerie…a NIGGA name Lingerie)…but I swear the replies to this video were even funnier…

First, here’s the animated version…

Then, here’s the guy that Spec stole his dance moves from….

And next here’s the FAD that he’s about to start…hopefully not, but its still funny…

He really pissed this dude off…

…but to me he dissected the mafucka soo hard that I’m wondering if he really enjoyed it or not, hell he knows ‘Rufus’ a bit well…he does seem a bit too hard to even know who Spectacular is…the way he called him a bitch was funny though…

Pissed this dude off too…who basically says the same thing the last guy says…but this nigga reminds me of one of my nigs, so why not put him up here…

and this dude reminds me of my cousin….reacted exactly how my cousin would too if he saw this shit…

The FIRST thing this gay dude did was open his mouth and make sounds (intended reaction?)…but even the gay dude said he was disturbed…

but this gay dude LOVED it….

…here’s the handicapped response…

Hell this 100%, bbq stains on my Ike Turner (wife beater, catchup) saw it and reacted as if the sight was gonna turn him gay on spot…

But hold on, hold on, Mr.Spec …let it be known that this is only for THE LADIES…so niggas fall back…and what did the ladies have to say??

They called it GAYtorade …lol

Stumbled across my fellow Nola young lady who also was Anti-Specker…she said he needs to go to the strip club and learn how to really do it….i guess…I’m just posting her cuz she’s from the N.O honestly…

Now for those of ya’ll that think his fanbase will enjoy this, I mean he even said it that this is for his FANBASE who will appreciate it…here are two girls, seemingly young enough to know enough about Pretty Ricky that they had a minidebate about who the new lead singer was….did they like it? At this point..You know they didn’t..lol

Well at least he got the big girls excited…wait, no he didn’t, she said he had on “AIDS Awareness Undies”….

“Does your Daddy know you’re doing this shit”

Need I say more? better yet, need i say anything at all?

-BATS-

Either way, she came at Dr. Jello threatening to go to the tabloids with her story if he didn’t cough, sneeze and vomit up every penny she asked for. The reason I remember it because I recall being in the barbershop and the old heads in there just couldn’t fathom why she would want so much money. It was funny because nobody believed Cosby’s claims that the girl wasn’t his child, they just couldn’t get over the fact that she wanted 40 Million dollars, which I can see their POV, I mean damn, $5-10 million would’ve been more than enough let alone 40…shiit, I would’ve taken $1 million, a lifetime supply of Jello Pudding Pops and Rudy’s phone number and would’ve been happy enough…

…sorry Raven, you fell off to me…nice bank account though…

Ok..I’ll be fair, thickness can get it too…

Anyway, this is the case where I first heard the term “extortion” used (from then on it was mainly in rap songs and mob movies), whether she was his daughter or not, threatening that man’s reputation for monetary gain is illegal and she…as well as the tabloid pushing her up to do it…faced time and fines for it. Cosby got to grow old with all of his money, so old and rich that his nose began to stick up in the air as he lectures to little boys about going to hell for sagging their pants and liking pokemon  rather than teaching them how to specifically make as much money as them before the age of 30…I know he knows..

Well this is the second time in life that I’m hearing the term extortion used outside of rap songs and mob stories and who knew that it’d be used in such an ungangster way…

A 38-year-old man has been charged with extortion for allegedly demanding that a stranger pay him $30 in exchange for their lost cell phone.–CBS NEWS

Who remembers Ghost Dad?

That movie where the Dad dies some kinda way, his ghost loses his dead body without knowing it, comes home and realizes he’s a ghost, but his kids can see him and their bond becomes tighter…because he died, I think…Hmm..was that some subliminal message to get parents to Patrick Swayzee themselves in order for their kids to appreciate them? 

Yeah, and it just so happened to also star Bill Cosby (method to the madness maybe?). That movie and Bill Murray’s Scrooged use to come on USA so much that I don’t know if I really liked those movies or was programmed to, but either way I’ve seen em both enough times to quote. Well not Ghost Dad as much as Scrooge, but lets pretend like I did in order to get the my point. For anyone that’s seen Ghost Dad there’s this part where he goes through the phone to get at a would-be boytoy of his daughter’s….For those that didn’t see it, here it is:

If a mafucka tried to scam me out of 30 bucks for my phone, especially this near $500 daddy that I’m currently using as a txt bazooka at the moment, I have full faith in myself that I could pull that move off and anally molest the would be “extorter” with my foot….while rocking this mafucka right here…

How did they catch the guy? Did they set him up using top notch technology to track the phone? Was he going to have them drop the money (all 30 bucks of it) off at a secure checkpoint which lead to the perpetrator being caught days later? Was he ratted out? Nope…

“Authorities said the unidentified victim flagged down an Iowa City police officer Sunday on their way to meet the man to retrieve the phone.”—CBS.com

Yeah you read that right, these people were actually going to pay up the 30 bucks to this clown if they didn’t just so happen to see a cop on their way to the checkpoint, and yes the dude was an idiot for actually being there. If anything, I wouldn’t have gotten any porkys involved at all…knowing that he’d be stupid enough to be there (NOT STRAPPED) I would’ve shown up with a buncha Deebo type {gentleman}…or better yet…who has the mob’s number…yup, we should take it there..why? Because this is one of the stupidest reasons I’ve ever had to report or read about for someone getting arrested…this is a waste of jail space…so he should get it to the extreme… 

…no…more extreme….

….yup…that works….

…o…not that I’m endorsing violence, I would never do that….

The victim told police they’d had 10 to 12 conversations with the suspect about returning the phone, but that he was demanding payment.—CBS.com

And how do you make it up to 12 conversations with somebody that has your phone hostage and cooperate for that long. See, the Deebo Gang would’ve definitely been on speed dial, but real talk before that idea would’ve even popped up after conversation number two of this guy trying to con me out of pizza money I’d either be flipping out to the point of sending Goodfellahs style threats or I’m thinking “fuck the phone, I’ve got insurance”..not make an EHarmony style connection with em…I mean damn does it really take 12 convos to come to the conclusion of either, giving em a beating, hitting up the cops or calling Asurion?

But since the insurance folk over at Asurion make you pay a $50.00 deductable when you use insurance to replace your phone, I guess the PhoneThug figured he could talk the owners of the phone to save $20.00 bucks by doing it his way, afterall he did have the better rate, plus he’d get the phone to them quicker…

….yeah, well even if we take that into account, there’s no denying the obvious idiocy leaking from the “scam”…The guy is trying to get this “victim” for 30 bucks.  30 bucks? That’s your grand master plan? That’s like kidnapping one of Angelina Jolie’s kids and setting the ransom at 10 bucks, an eggroll and a Dylan CD….

What is he trying to do, secure his second payment of the Total Gym before Chuck Norris and Wesley Snipes jump his ass? Make laundry? Take his chick to Golden Corral? I mean damn is 30 bucks really worth going to jail for?

THINGS THAT COST 30.00 bucks on AMAZON:

….30 bucks

….30 Bucks

The man was charged Monday with extortion, a Class D felony. He could face up to five years in jail and a $7,500 fine—CBS.com

…yep…you guessed it…this poor excuse for a criminal has officially made JailAssRape worth the same price as a pair of goofy swim trunks and a “I Love Cats” subscription…who woulda thought…

…I don’t know why assrape is so cheap now Kobe…blame the recession…

Oh and shouts out to the Ghost Busters! (for no particular reason)

-BATS-

For my cats out there that take their sex as seriously as I do, they know the plight we can face in the 24 hour Walgreens.

“That Ultra Ribbed is a beast” –

“that Ultra Thin feels greaaaat”—

“but then that Ultra Pleasure does something to em…like soo ULTRA….like”

“ooo they got the Multi Pack with like 5 different kinds in there, some of em ULTRA!”  

One too many? yea? Well I couldn’t help it, I needed to find an excuse to put the guy above in here somewhere, because any guy that looks like the nerdy, homosexual, peeping tom, rapist suspect cousin of Jesus deserves to be laughed at by my readers here at FlyWithBats.Com….

But back to the story, what usually happens for me and no doubt many others is  you flip a few coins and eventually choose a rubber, preferably whichever rubber that your mind has you convinced is different from the others, then, hopefully for some, somewhere in your head you realize that whichever one you pick doesn’t really matter, because when everything is going down, like FloRida’s street cred (ooo!), the rubber is the last thing on your mind, but you still understand that, unless this chick is poppin her VirginMary pills (B.C!) you must get the rubber ‘or else‘. And this isn’t Sex-Ed in middle skool, everybody knows what the “or elses” are. Unfortunately for this cat…

….Desmond Hatchett….

I’m not too sure that the “Or Else” part of the Sex-Ed Public Service Announcement made it to his part of Knoxville, Tennessee. He’s seemingly only gotten the part that states “If you have sex without a condom, you will get the girl pre…..”….now obviously if only this part of the message made it to his sector of the hood, or basically to his bed in his house, then you can see why he’s seeming allergic to common sense…dude must’ve just not known any better…yeah that’s me giving him the strong benefit of the doubt…

“Desmond Hatchett, a 29 year old who lives in Knoxville, Tennessee, has fathered 20 (maybe 21) children with at least 11 different mothers.”—ABC in KAKE

Can I get a Flavor Flav “WOW”

“WWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWW!“

Homie has 21 kids at the age of 29 years old, that’s damn near a kid for every year he’s been alive. I guess he’s the superhero for 8 year olds, showing them that if they start having sex now they can some day be just like him, in the news, breaking records…looking dumber than a mafucka with more kids than you can afford…

“The kids, who are between 11 months and 11 years old, require food, clothing, etc. which doesn’t come cheap. That’s a problem for their minimum-wage earning father.”—ABC

The Black Community takes another “L”…sorry Obama…

Dude makes minimum wage, lets say minimum wage is 8 bucks an hour, lets just say that’s what it is because I’m feeling too lazy to google what it is at the moment. Making 8 bucks an hour on the job by kid number three you’re struggling, hell by kid number three my penis probably would’ve gone on strike, by kid number 7 or 8 mypenis probably would’ve given itself testicular cancer…I can’t see how anybody not allergic to common sense would manage to acquire that many damn kids, nor do I know how that many women would fall for the dude’s mouthpiece. Either that dude has AIDS flavored super sick game or the Recession is effecting us moreso than we thought.

“He was called to court last week where he appeared on the docket eleven times to answer for 15 of his 21 children who haven’t received child support recently. The mothers of Hatchett’s children are supposed to get anywhere from $25 to $309 a month, but the government is only allowed to take up to 50% of his pay check, and when that’s split so many times some women only get a $1.98 a month”.—ABC

You’re a Baby Mama only getting 2 bucks every other month for child support?

One babymama was quoted as saying

“It’s frustrating, but usually, when I ask he give it to me,”

all 2 bucks eh?

In all fairness,  Mr. Hatchett does have a profound explanation for how he got so many kids so quickly…I’ll let him tell it…

“I had four kids in the same year. Twice.”

Yeeah…to his credit he knows all their names and birthdays, which is defecating on my bioPops efforts…unfortunately he’s been arrested for missing child support payments, among other counts. Real talk…We shouldn’t even have a sex-ed in school, fuck sex-ed, we should just show students this news story, this news story should be the theme for EVERY Wrap It Up commercial that ever airs, if the kids still want to jump in that hot sauce penis head first, then so be it…they can’t be helped, because like Mr. Hatchett, they may be allergic to common sense too…

-BATS-