GOTHAM NEWS: Half ton woman kills 2 year old, but is too fat for prison…

Obese people have the best excuses.

“I was born this way, so I’ma just keep on keep on eating since this is how I was made!”

“I use to go to the gym but they were prejudice against people that love eating, Martin Luther King died for this like that”

“Even though I murdered and raped people, you can’t execute me because I’m too fat to die from execution…seriously man..”

“I didn’t kill the boy, I tripped, fell and accidently punched him twice in his face, hard enough to kill him…pure accident.”

Even though all three of those quotes may seem real, the last one is the only one I can prove…

(…well, I can prove that third one too…)

Mayra Lizbeth Rosales, from La Jola, Texas, is bedridden due to her near 1,000 lbs weight, and is accused of killing her two-year-old nephew but prosecutors in Texas do not yet know how to get her to jail and court — because she weighs nearly half a ton. She explained away the [fatal] injuries [to the boy] by saying she had slipped, landing with her right hand on Eliseo’s head while trying to pick him off the floor, and that he fell off a chair.—CNN

You never know, maybe she didn’t mean to kill her nephew, she’s an hispanic lady and one thing I can say, Hispanic people hold their family DOWN….so maybe Ms.Notorious Biggie Fats really did slip, fall and land on lil Eliseo Gonzales, Jr….with her fists…one fist at a time….on different sides of the boys head…

anything’s possible right?

Either way it goes she may be getting off easier than expected because due to her Obese 2.5 condition the pigs are saying that they can’t keep her in the jails…

“it would be impossible to keep her in jail pending her trial because she needs extensive medical care”--Lupe Trevino, local sheriff

So, in the past few months in the news, we’ve learned that you can be both too fat too execute AND too fat to go to jail….which tells us one key thing, and that’s if you have bad ass delinquent kids whose futures are looking pretty bleak…tell them to eat….

…investing an extra burger or two into their happy meals may save you a few tears in the future…

What do ya say kids?

sounds like a plan

-BATS-

1 Comment(s)

Comments RSS TrackBack Identifier URI